Dear Dog
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit throughthe same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years--canine attendance is not mandatory!
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you my dear dog, I have posted the following message on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and you don't need a gazillion dollars for college.
Facts: It has been proven that pet owners are happier, more well adjusted, more tolerant, and live longer than non-pet owners...Amen!
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit throughthe same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years--canine attendance is not mandatory!
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you my dear dog, I have posted the following message on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and you don't need a gazillion dollars for college.
Facts: It has been proven that pet owners are happier, more well adjusted, more tolerant, and live longer than non-pet owners...Amen!
posted by pitbulljungle at 10:42 AM
1 Comments:
Oh how true, especially the "rules for non-pet owners who visit"!!! I agree with this 100%! *giggle*
Post a Comment
<< Home